The Meaning Behind "I Am the Wife, Not a Concubine

The Meaning Behind "I Am the Wife, Not a Concubine

Words shape reality. They define who we are, how we are treated, and what rights we hold. This is why I changed the title of my book from I Am a Wife, Not a Concubine to I Am the Wife, Not a Concubine. The shift from a wife to the wife is more than a grammatical choice—it reflects legal status, recognition, and protection.

A wife could be anyone. The wife is the one who holds the rightful place in her marriage, with legal standing, spiritual acknowledgment, and social recognition. This distinction is critical because in law, relationships are defined by status. A person can be a spouse, but only one person at a time is the current spouse, with the exclusive rights, benefits, and legal standing that come with marriage.

Why This Distinction Matters

Marriage is more than love—it is a legal contract. The spouse in a marriage has rights to financial benefits, legal protections, and decision-making authority. However, when these rights are manipulated or ignored, a wife can find herself displaced, disrespected, and dismissed—not just emotionally, but legally.

That is exactly what happened to me. A former spouse, without preserved rights, was allowed to step in and alter my legal status—while I was still married. This was not just an administrative oversight; it was a fundamental betrayal of marital law and contractual integrity.

At that moment, I became a concubine in my own marriage—not by choice, not by circumstance, but through legal manipulation. My rightful place as the wife was compromised, treated as if it could be negotiated or reassigned. But let me be clear—my marriage was not up for debate.

Understanding Concubinage: The Lesson from Judges 19

Concubinage is not just a term from the past; it has real consequences. Throughout history, concubines were secondary partners, lacking the rights, recognition, and protection of a wife.

One of the most tragic examples of this is found in Judges 19, the story of the Levite’s concubine. This woman, despite sometimes being referred to as a wife, had no true security. She left the Levite, returning to her father’s house, but he later came to retrieve her. After days of delay, they set out on their journey back—but what followed was horrifying.

As they traveled, they stopped in the land of the Benjamites. An elderly man took them into his home, warning them that staying outside was too dangerous. But that night, wicked men surrounded the house, demanding the Levite be sent out to them. Instead, they gave the concubine to these men, who assaulted her throughout the night.

By morning, she lay at the doorstep, barely alive, reaching out to the door for help. The Levite found her, but instead of comforting her, he commanded her to get up. When she did not respond, he lifted her onto his animal, carried her home, and then—in an act of horrifying brutality—dismembered her body into twelve pieces, sending them throughout Israel as a call to war.

This story is one of the most disturbing accounts of concubinage. The Levite’s concubine was not protected, not valued, and ultimately discarded. She was a secondary figure, whose fate was determined by others. Her tragedy serves as a warning—a concubine is not a wife.

The Modern Consequences of Concubinage

Concubinage was not just a biblical reality. It has existed in every major civilization—China, Rome, the Ottoman Empire, and Islamic traditions—where women were placed in lesser roles, subject to the authority of a man but without the full legal standing of a wife.

Even today, concubinage exists whenever someone lacks legal recognition in their relationship. When a woman is with a man but has no legal rights, financial security, or protection, she is placed in a vulnerable position. The law protects the spouse, not the one who is merely present in someone’s life.

This is why choosing to be a legal spouse matters. A concubine has no security, no guaranteed protection, and no true status. Even if treated well, she exists in a system where she is always less than.

I want every woman—and every young girl reading this—to understand why they should never settle for anything less than being the wife. Being the wife is not just about love; it is about legal standing, security, and rights. It is about ensuring that you are recognized, protected, and respected in your marriage.

At that moment, when my legal status was manipulated, I understood exactly what it meant to be treated like a concubine.

But let me be clear—I was never a bother. I was never a lesser.

I am the wife, not a concubine. My role is not optional. My position is not up for debate. And no law, no definition, and no system will ever change that truth.